Over a year ago, I took up this blog – not once did I ever publish a post. You see, my best friend @lsandoe decided she wanted to blog, and we thought “HEY! Wouldn’t it be brilliant if we both did this?” She dutifully updated her blog with her pretty-gosh-darn-bubbly-and-philosophic (albeit sometimes hard, life lessons), but I got lost in the shuffle of junior year pre-med courses at SIC ‘EM and went through a few rather rough and gut-wrenching personal experiences that caused me to stop writing. I didn’t choose to stop, I felt forced to when someone near and dear to me [then] called me a “dream-killer,” along with many other colorful terms, and singled me out as a horrible friend for countless, baseless reasons. You may be thinking, “why just give up something you love?” Well, to be frank – I couldn’t bear the thought of having hurt someone so badly by merely using my creative outlet. I never even considered myself a decent writer, let alone capable of ruining dreams. That’s a whole other level of Stephen King – Stephenie Meyer kind of feud that I never thought I would get into. Boy, was I wrong! I won’t mention the person who so deeply hurt my feelings and caused me to think about my life differently. I quite honestly ceased to be myself, for a very long time. I don’t think I was trying to be anyone or anything else, but I felt lost – all the time. When I’d move to put pen to paper, my mind would go blank and I would simply…freeze. It was terrifying. I went from writing nearly every single day to letting a year go by without jotting down a single errant thought. It was this dark smoke, always looming around me – choking my personality out. I hated that feeling and the constant ache of a hole in my heart.
Sometimes, I feel that blackness moving in and I kind of start to panic. Then I remember to write about it. Amazing does not even begin to cover the feeling I get from writing. I can’t tell you when I started writing again, exactly – or why. One day I dusted off a journal of mine and started writing about my day, the food and laughs shared and all the other things going through my mind. It was so freeing. It was just what I needed to push me closer to working on the NanoWriMo piece that got me into this whole slump in the first place. I need to finish this story, for myself and the extremely patient friends of mine who want to see the completed piece. The novel I am currently working on is back on my desktop, not lying about in my “Lost” folder because I’m not lost anymore. I certainly have no clue where I’m going, but I. AM. NOT. LOST.
With all of the above mentioned, I’d like for you to continue reading, because I’m seriously hoping that you’re still interested in hanging around. I sincerely PROMISE you that the rest of my entries won’t be all doom and gloom. I’m a very light-hearted spirit who has plenty to say on just about any topic. Mostly humorous things. Like, laugh-until-you-pee-funny…don’t believe me? Ask @lsandoe – I’m sure she’ll vouch for me.
Now…on to my newest adventure.
There is something to be said about dieting…most of it has been said before – but you’ve never heard it from me. I couldn’t decided what this blog was going to be about, and I finally decided to step away from my personal journal in order to share my perspective on all things me, with you.
I started my first day of dieting – which is more along the lines of eating balanced, portion-controlled meals and following the WW points system. I need to lose all of the weight that I gained during my four years at this wonderful university. Freshmen fifteen? Sure. Add another 30lbs. I’m finally done with all the cockamamie “I’m too busy studying to get to the gym” excuses. I pulled on my absolutely adorable workout gear, purchased just for this adventure – as my extremely awesome, smaller sized gear now looks like doll clothes. OK – I’m not that huge, but it does make me sad to feel like a baby whale compared to my younger, leaner self. My workout today consisted of a 3.5 mile run, where I burned 400 calories. I didn’t just start working out today, I’d been walk/jogging most of last week and even hit the gym with my beau over the weekend. However, I did fully commit to this healthier lifestyle today. I am vowing to lose 50 pounds in the next six months through exercise and healthy eating. I was inspired by Laura and Taralynn – two pretty sweet gals who have got their butt in gear and are getting things done.
Ever the optimist, these butt-kicking workouts (though they’ll have me in puddles at the beginning) will be a great release and writing about the journey is going to be fantastic!
Thanks for tagging along.