As I sat in my apartment, studying away my life, I found myself worrying. Thinking about my grades during this summer session, the job I have waiting for me after finals end next week (the same position that I took a leave of absence from in order to finish my undergrad coursework), whether or not my parents (separated, divorced, apart and always so distant when I need a good cry) are proud, am I letting family down by putting off med-school in order to get a M.S. in Engineering? My mind, just like yours, thinks of a million things every minute. Mostly I muse about future issues, or thinking up plans B-Z. I’m like that, always have a back-up plan. I blame my Type A-ness, the fact that I’m an ESTJ individual and the constant need for order. Do you want to know what bothered me most of all about all these thoughts? Two things. 1) I have no control over any of these things. Sure, the amount of effort I put into my studies should result in a great grade, but that’s not always the case – especially at BU, where we’re all fighting each other for that one med-school seat. It’s ludicrous how much is impressed upon us to be perfect, all the time. 2) My inner voice is a real bitch! I mean, cut-throat. I need to find a way to shut her up…ideas?
This nagging conscience of mine got me to do some soul-searching, which I find essential to one’s existence. What I came to realize was that, despite all the crazy things going on right now, I am so very happy. I have a loving man in my life, am about to graduate from a prestigious university, am a productive member of society, have amazing friends, my family is wonderful and caring…from the outside looking in…I have a great life. I am so very thankful for all of the blessings that have been bestowed upon me and for all the life lessons that have been thrown my way. It’s been difficult, sometimes it felt impossible, but I’m grateful.
I found this list and it made me laugh. My best friend Laura and I firmly believe in taking dance breaks during study time. We sing loudly in the car (usually making up our own lyrics) and always have smiles on our faces. I don’t know who taught us any of this, or if we made our own rules along the way. This is a small list that I feel we should all keep near. It’s a fantastic reminder to not sweat the small stuff, add some endorphins to each and every day and bask in the amazing gift of life.
I cannot control everything, though God help me – I try. What I can do, and I suggest you try too, is to be more easy-going and to live in the now. I have all these plans, these ideas of where I’m going and want to end up, but I forget to enjoy the adventure along the way.
Live the adventure! Visit a new place, try new foods, go against the grain, get out of that same-old-same rut. Do you! Fiercely, passionately and for the love of all that is good. Have fun!
My adventure started with this blog, a way to keep in touch with my besties and to soul-surf. I’m loving every moment of it; trying new things, running for the passion in it and finding every day being brighter and happier. What have you learned from yourself lately? Have you learned anything from me?
I sincerely hope that you are making positive strides in your life in order to find a healthier and happier you!
I swear I thought we were both ENFJ's. Well, one letter off isn't so bad. You're doing amazing things, just trying new things and following your heart. That's what's most important. I'm not even sure what I'm doing, I'm just enjoying being me.